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Depression Fallout, Solutions for a marriage sabotaged by depression. for a marriage sabotaged by depression. By Ann Sheffield Posted in Women's Interest . The Impact of Depression on Couples and What You Can Do to Preserve the . group she founded (az-links.info), Anne Sheffield, the author of. Depression Fallout: The Impact of Depression on Couples and What You Can Do to Preserve the Bond Anne Sheffield Quill Paperback pages. April
Through the Family-to-Family program of the National Alliance on Mental Illness, she learned more about the nature of depression and how to navigate the challenges of living with someone who is depressed. She also met others who understood her grief and frustration, and shared tips on how to manage day-to-day. One person cannot be the cure.
Jason takes cues from his wife, using humor or suggesting trips to the bookstore when she seems to need a pick-me-up, listening and offering advice when she is sharing frustrations, and canceling plans to spend a quiet night at home when Shelle has bouts of social anxiety. Jason also attends medical appointments with Shelle, taking an active role in describing her symptoms to doctors and ensuring she follows treatment plans at home.
I think going through this together has made our relationship stronger. When couples seek joint solutions—through couples counseling or other resources—they may improve the way they communicate, learn how to work together to address issues arising from the depression, and reaffirm their commitment to the relationship. Still, she also sees a positive outcome.
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Depression in your partner is a medical condition, not the result of something you said or did. It is extremely difficult not to take symptoms such as withdrawal and irritability personally. Also common are resentment because your life has changed and grief because the person you love seems to be gone.
No matter how hard it seems, be sure to schedule time for activities that you enjoy. Dealing with depression in a partner can be isolating.
Make the effort to spend time with friends who are able to sympathize and provide emotional sustenance. Seek out peer support groups for families of people with depression. Be part of the solution. Learning more about depression and how to provide useful support—as well as knowing what not to do—can improve treatment outcomes for your partner.
The better your partner gets, the more pressure that takes off you and your relationship. Couples counseling helps address issues arising from the depression. You may feel rejected and discouraged when nothing you do to help your partner seems to work. Keep in mind that depression is often cyclical—worse at times, easier to manage at others—and finding the right treatment may take time.
Depression Fallout | PARENTGUIDE News
When this happens, the non-depressed spouse and the children start a journey into the troubled territory I call depression fallout. Depression fallout, provoked by prolonged proximity to someone depressed, is the unhappy progression from initial confusion to self-blame, then to demoralization, then to resentment and anger, and finally to the desire to escape the source of so much stress and unhappiness. Stage one, confusion, leads directly to stage two, self-blame.
Searching for reasons that could explain what seems like a personality change, she comes up with all kinds of possibilities. Then comes the default explanation: In the face of what looks like silent reproach, the stage-two fallout sufferer assumes blame for the change: Feeling helpless and hopeless and totally lacking in self-esteem, our depressed wife is now singing the depression fallout mantra: Nothing I do is right. Nothing I do is enough.
And everything wrong is my fault.
Relationships & The Ripple Effect of Depression
Not surprisingly, sooner or later demoralization gives way to stage four— resentment and anger at such undeserved treatment. Then, as the relationship deteriorates and the stress and misery continues, she eventually longs to escape the source of so much unhappiness.
This scenario, usually played behind closed doors and rarely reported to even the closest of friends, is as common as the illness that drives it. The answer is that they too are in the dark as to what has caused the change in their interior landscape.
Should suspicion of the truth be voiced by others, or perhaps cross their minds even without promoting, they often rush to suppress it in the false belief that depression is a sign of weakness best overcome by sheer determination. You will have to overcome denial, bone up on the illness and its treatment, set boundaries to keep hurtful behavior at a tolerable level, shelter the kids from the storm, and look after your own needs, to name only a few of the challenges facing you.