Reacher settler in relationship with a narcissist

Are You The Reacher Or The Settler In Your Relationship?

reacher settler in relationship with a narcissist

Every relationship has what “How I Met Your Mother” has dubbed a settler and a reacher. In other words, one person in the relationship settles. They could be saying it because they want an out of the relationship, but You're the figurative “settler” to their “reacher” in the dynamic of your. These relationships are doomed from the start, unless the Settler (the 10) is a narcissist and the Reacher (the 2) has absolutely no self-esteem.

This is different for women. Women go to work in the morning and still think about their relationships many times during the day. While women enjoy talking about their relationships, most men would prefer not to. Understanding that we think differently about relationships helps us understand why our partner may be more or less focused on the relationship than we are.

We need to remember this discrepancy is not personal; it is just one of the many differences between men and women. Neither way is right or wrong, they are just different.

Science says there's a 'reacher' and a 'settler' in most relationships

To work out some of these differences, use the following tips for men and women. When she wants to talk about your relationship, you need to let her talk - remember this is what makes her feel good about herself.

Just let her talk and give her your attention — she wants you to listen and not interrupt until she is done. Realize women talk all around an issue before drilling down to the specific point. It is just a difference between men and women.

Give her plenty of time to make her point. Do not be offended if he is not excited to talk about your relationship. Men equate talking about a relationship as needing to fix it and if he feels it is not broke, there is no need to fix it — so no need to talk about it.

When you have a problem or issue with him, try talking to your girlfriends first. They'd probably try to kill me. Or I'd try to kill them.

reacher settler in relationship with a narcissist

Okay, let's face the question that no one ever wants to face, for obvious reasons. Let's say that, worse case scenario, you and your partner have a huge falling out. You're both forced to call it quits and walk away. If this terrible event were to occur, then what do you think would happen afterward?

Who is the “Keeper” of your Relationship?

Question 7 Who would break up with who? I'd probably be the one to break it off, if it came down to it. They'd have to be the one, I could never do it. We'd have a lot of long conversations about it, and probably come to an agreement. Someone would probably get killed. Following from the previous question, here's an additional query: Would you break it off, or would your partner be the one?

Try to imagine the scenario, painful as it might be, and see what seems most likely. Question 8 Who causes all the problems? I cause all the problems. My partner is a saint. My partner causes all the problems. I think we both try really hard at the relationship, to make it work. We both do terrible things to each other. As we all know, and as we've covered previously, arguments are a major part of any relationship.

But when it comes to problems, who is usually the guilty party? Are you -- or your partner -- too confrontational, or perhaps too emotionally repressed? Is one person noticeably more problematic than the other? Question 9 We're really lucky to have each other. We're terrible for each other, probably.

I wish my partner would step it up more. I'm always worried that my partner will find someone better. Do you think you deserve your better, or are you just really, really lucky to have them? Do you often worry that maybe you've pulled the wool over their eyes -- or maybe, you're always thinking that you could do better?

What sounds the most like your relationship? Question 10 Do you agree with your partner's views?

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Both of our views have evolved, through dialogue with each other. We disagree with each other on everything.

reacher settler in relationship with a narcissist

I think my partner is much smarter than I am. My partner goes along with whatever I say or think, usually. So maybe you've been with your partner a long time, and when you first started dating, you both held some very different views on things. However, as time has gone on, that's changed.

Have your views largely changed to align with those of your partner Question 11 Whose family do you see more? We both avoid each other's families.

We'd always visit my partner's family, they don't usually want to see mine. We both would prefer to see my family more often, I think. We both see each other's families about the same amount, or would like to. Now, let's leave aside geographic difference which might slant this question.

reacher settler in relationship with a narcissist

Assuming, if only for a minute, that both of you live within a short driving distance from your respective families, who do you think the two of you would both go to see more often -- as a couple? Question 12 Neither of us would ever cheat. I cheated, or would cheat. My partner has cheated, or would be more likely to. Cheating is a very, very serious matter that can completely obliterate any relationship, or leave a toxic rift in it that never heals.

Hopefully, your relationship has never involved any form of cheating. However, if someone has cheated, which one of you has it been? Or who do you think would be more likely to cheat? Question 13 Do you think your partner "owes" you something? I owe a lot to my partner. My partner owes a lot to me.

We both help each other a lot. We're both terrible for each other. The general purpose of this quiz is to determine if there is a fundamental imbalance in your relationship, wherein one partner believes that they are better than the other.

Why You Should Run When They Say ‘You Deserve Better’ | Thought Catalog

However, do you think your partner "owes" you something, for whatever reason? That they are in your debt?

reacher settler in relationship with a narcissist

Or maybe it's the other way around?