Fight Fairly and Keep the Peace in Your Relationship you scream or how frequently you fight does not predict the outcome of your marriage. Learning how to stop fighting with your significant other is no easy task. " Negativity drags down a relationship and positivity builds it up. And most of us have not been trained how to have a fair fight. Fight Fair, Improve Your Relationship - Dr. Tammy Nelson. How many of us have.
All Couples Fight. Here's How Successful Couples Do It Differently. | HuffPost Life
They don't run from fights. Couples in it for the long-haul don't shy away from discussing topics that could just as easily be swept under the rug.
I don't want to move to there! They start slow and take turns talking. Arguments generally end the same way they began, said Bonnie Ray Kennan, a marriage and family therapist based in Southern California.
Couples who've mastered the art of arguing fairly take things slow, addressing difficult conversations with a soft, reassuring tone and dialing it down whenever things get too emotionally charged. They don't name call. Happy couples in long-term relationships rarely get into knock-down, drag-out fights because they don't lower themselves to school-yard tactics: They know how to cool down. When things do get out of hand, savvy arguers know how to get a grip on their emotions. They value taking a time out, whether that means counting to 10 and taking slow, deep breaths or simply telling their spouse, "Hey, can we revisit this in the morning?
When both partners are able to soothe themselves and take breaks, they're usually able to reach a resolution or agree to disagree!
8 Practical Tips to Stop Fighting With Your Boyfriend or Girlfriend
They set ground rules for arguments. It's not that long-time couples have never resorted to low blows or have said something regrettable during an argument.
They have in the past -- and then they learned from the mistake. Did you actually do something that made your significant other angry?
If so, just apologize. Their feelings are valid, and they maybe have a right to be upset. And if you feel like your words or actions were justified, try explaining why you did what you did in a calm manner.
Help them understand your side while still showing that you understand that they are hurt or upset. Try and utilize these two phrases the next time you get into an argument with your partner: Do you notice that you have a tendency to blow up when you feel like your partner is criticizing you?
Do you project your own insecurities onto others? Try and take a little time out of each day to meditate or journal. It's important to figure out what makes you tick. Meditation is also a great way to ground yourself and is a reminder that feelings are only temporary. If you are having a bad day and your temper is short, step back and refrain from getting into any heated conversations with your partner. If they start a discussion that touches a tender nerve, just tell them something along the lines of, "Look, it's best if we don't talk right now.
I'm not in the right frame of mind. Take a Break If you're in the midst of a fight, sometimes it's better to just walk away and take a breather—you don't want to say something you'll regret. Head to separate rooms and chill out with some TV or a book. That way, you can resume your discussion when you're both more level-headed. Spend a Few Days Apart At some point, partners who continuously argue with each other may, in fact, believe that their lives are better off without each other.
8 Practical Tips to Stop Fighting With Your Boyfriend or Girlfriend | PairedLife
If you think this may be the case with your relationship, get a taste of loneliness by spending a few days apart. You will likely realize how much you enjoy their company and how important the relationship is to you. Don't attend a party or an event where there is alcohol.
Booze can make you do the wrong thing at the wrong time with the wrong company.
If you're unable to spend some time apart or believe it would do your relationship more harm than good, Sloan suggests this tip: Give yourselves some breathing room and build positive energy.
That energy will help you hear each other and solve the problem while also protecting your relationship from too much negativity. Remember Why Your Relationship Is Worth Saving The easiest way to be reminded of how badly you want to stop fighting with your significant other is to make a short but hard-hitting list of things that point out why you want to save your relationship.
It can be a silly and mushy list, or it can be a serious list of things that hit you hard. Next, put that list up at a place where you can see it every day. Use a piece of paper or use post-it notes—whatever will grab your attention every time you walk by. Here are a few examples. I want to stop fighting with my boyfriend because I love him a lot. I can't afford to lose him. I would feel jealous and destroyed if he started dating someone else. Who is going to drop me off at dance class every week?
I can't spend one day without him, let alone one week. We make the perfect pair. We've been through a lot, and I don't want all the effort that's been put in our relationship to go waste.
I want to stop fighting with my girlfriend because I love her and we have a great bond. She is beautiful and makes me laugh. I have never had a chemistry with anyone as good as the one that I have with her—inside and outside the bedroom. Who else will accept my idiosyncrasies? She is perfect for me, and not just because she is hot. Neither of us is perfect and I don't want to lose a person just because I wasn't willing to listen. While nobody enjoys arguing with their significant other, the truth is that all couples fight.
It's just part of being in a relationship. It's also true that some couples may argue more than others, but it doesn't necessarily mean that their relationship is "on the rocks.
It's hard to mesh two different sets of preferences, needs, and styles. There's nothing wrong with being yourself, but you have to accept that your partner is different and his or her needs are just as valid as yours. That's not always easy to do," says Sloan. On the flip side, it's important to recognize that if you seem to be having the same fight over and over, it's maybe time to take a step back and look at why this is happening. Does it come down to a difference in values or priorities?
Is it something you can compromise on?