Coping with Relationship Anxiety | CFHP
Recognize that you may suffer from a pattern of insecure attachment if you are repeatedly playing out the same distressing relationship. Our relationships expert, Sarah Abell, advises a young man on how to over come his insecurities. An insecure male will often be controlling in his relationship, because he feels he is not worthy of having his by [email protected] December 31,
Personal DevelopmentRelationships Being in a relationship can make us feel vulnerable and emotionally exposed.
Review potential causes Relationships have peaks and troughs. In a troubled relationship, arguments could flare up and stay unresolved.
You might be dealing with specific problems such as money, jealousy, doubt, and fear of abandonment. If potential causes such as these exist and compound your anxiety, you might want to seek professional help to navigate your way out of it.
How to stop being insecure in a relationship? | Yahoo Answers
Avoid jumping to conclusions Admit the problem could be entirely imaginary and due to your own overthinking. Be realistic about what you can sense and read in your partner. If you have doubts, be proactive and communicate with your partner. Recognise your partner is a different person, with different motivations and attributes. Affirm the positives We can sometimes focus too much on the negatives and forget the qualities we love in our partners.
Instead of dwelling on negatives, take regular time-outs to celebrate the good things in your relationship. Focus on what you love about your partner and the things he or she does for you. Concentrating on the positives can make you feel more secure and allow you to fully feel the love your partner has for you. Seek security in yourself Your own self-confidence can be a powerful way to counter anxiety in a relationship. Rather than giving your partner all responsibility for your happiness, you take some of it back and become more self-assured.
This can lighten the pressure on your partner and it can ease relationship tension. Connect with your partner Make an effort to communicate and connect with your partner.
Different values often cause conflict and tension in a relationship. It is a choice — a choice to forgive him and to trust him. Forgiving him means letting go of your hold on his past and accepting at face value his present love for you. It means believing that he has chosen you and that he wants to be with you and not with any of his exes however much they may or may not want to be with him.
Ask him to listen to why it bothers you so much and also why you struggle with him keeping intimate photos of his ex. But also, take time to listen to him and attempt to understand where he is coming from and why he thinks as he does.
It may well transpire that you both view the role of exes very differently. But once you have aired your concerns and fears and have felt that he has heard you — try to leave his past in the past.
How to stop being insecure in a relationship?
If you do move on and find someone who shares your values — it is worth remembering that you will have a sexual past yourself — a past that your new lover will have to accept.
Has he really put his days of unattached sex behind him? Can you trust him to be faithful?
Trust is an important ingredient of any committed relationship. Of course you can ask him not to see exes, or to destroy his photos but he may not want to or he may feel that you are being too demanding.
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What you need to work out is whether your jealousy is well placed or whether it is more to do with your own insecurity?
If you do have cause to worry about his faithfulness then perhaps you would be better off without him. After all this is your first relationship — the one by which any future ones will be measured. But if it transpires that your jealousy is a reflection of your own insecurity — ask yourself why that is and find a way to work on building up your confidence either with the help of a therapist or a good friend that you can trust. Insecurity can often drive away the very person that you are trying to keep hold of.
And finally I would say, keep true to who you are and to what you believe in. If you really long for a committed, monogamous relationship — someone you can love and be loved by — then make sure that you chose to date someone who shares the same vision as you.
Is that person Craig? Only you can decide that. It will save you a lot of heartache further down the line. Please indicate if there are any details you would NOT want included in print. Sarah will read every letter but regrets that she cannot reply to them individually. I will also be posting on comments submitted by other readers.
Feel free to contribute to the debate on any of the topics covered in the column.