An Introduction to Imago - Imago Professional Site
See more ideas about Healthy relationships, Relationship therapy and Counseling. An Introduction to Imago Therapy Relationship Therapy, Relationship. sional training programs in couples therapy in the US,. Europe Letters, honoris causa, University of San robiology of Interpersonal Expen'ence, which intro-. From Letters to a Young Poet - Introduction to Imago Relationship Therapy . Introducing the positive and finding the balance.
Finally we feel safe, and breathe a sigh of relieved deliverance. It looks like everything is going to turn out all right, after all. Why does falling in love go wrong? But inevitably—often when we marry or move in together—things just start to go wrong. In some cases, all hell breaks loose. The veil of illusion falls away, and it seems that our partners are different than we thought they were. Even qualities we once admired grate on us. Old hurts are reactivated as we realize that our partners cannot or will not love and care for us as they promised.
Since our partner is no longer willingly giving us what we need, we change tactics, trying to maneuver our partners into caring—through anger, crying, withdrawal, shame, intimidation, criticism—whatever works. We will make them love us. Or we may negotiate for time, love, chores, gifts.
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The power struggle has begun, and may go on for many years, until we split. Or we settle into an uneasy truce. What is going on here? Apparently you have found an Imago partner.
We all think that we have freedom of choice when it comes to selecting our partners. To accomplish that, it must repair the damage done in childhood as a result of unmet needs, and the way it does that is to find a partner who can give us what our caretakers failed to provide. If only that were so! But the old brain has a mind of its own, with its own checklist of desired qualities. It is carrying around its own image of the perfect partner, a complex synthesis of qualities formed in reaction to the way our caretakers responded to our needs.
Though we consciously seek only the positive traits, the negative traits of our caretakers are more indelibly imprinted in our Imago picture, because those are the traits which caused the painful experiences we now seek to heal.
An Introduction to Imago
Our unconscious need is to have our feelings of aliveness and wholeness restored by someone who reminds us of our caretakers. In other words, we look for someone with the same deficits of care and attention that hurt us in the first place.
Another powerful component of our Imago is that we seek the qualities missing in ourselves that got lost in the shuffle of socialization. But eventually, when our own feelings—our repressed exuberance or anger—are stirred, we are uncomfortable, and criticize our partners for being too outgoing, too coldly rational, to temperamental.
Why is conflict good!?
Being aware of ourselves is the key; it changes everything. When we understand that we have chosen our partners to heal certain painful experiences, and that the healing of those experiences is the key to the end of longing, we have taken the first step on the journey to real love. What we need to understand and accept is that conflict is supposed to happen. This is as nature intended it: Everything in nature is in conflict. Conflict is a sign that the psyche is trying to survive, to get its needs met and become whole.
Divorce does not solve the problems of relationship. We may get rid of our partners, but we keep our problems, carting them into the next relationship. Divorce is incompatible with the intentions of nature.
Romantic love is supposed to end. It is the glue that initially bonds two incompatible people together so that they will do what needs to be done to heal themselves. The good news is that although many couples become hopelessly locked in the power struggle, it too is supposed to end.Introduction to Imago Relationship Therapy Training Weekend with Kalanit Ben-Ari.
Regardless of what we may believe, relationships are not born of love, but of need; real love is born in relationships, as a result of understanding what they are about and doing what is necessary to have them.
You may already be with your dream partner, but at the moment, he or she is in disguise—and, like you, in pain. A Conscious Relationship itself is the practice you need to restore your sense of aliveness. The goal of Imago Practice is to change the power struggle and set you on the path of real love. To correct this, we have created the Imago Dialogue, the core skill of Imago Practice. Using this effective communications technique, you can restructure the way you talk to each other, so that what you say to each other is mirrored back to you, is validated, and empathized with.
You can use the Imago Dialogue to tell each other all about your childhoods, to state your frustrations clearly, and to articulate exactly what you need from each other in order to heal.
Clear communication is a window into the world of your partner; truly being heard is a powerful aphrodisiac. The effectiveness of Imago therapy forces us to consider, if its anthropological and theoretical roots are inadequate or even false, why does it work?
Is there a way of re-conceiving Imago relationship therapy that explains its utility? John Milbank and others involved in the Radical Orthodoxy project have argued that a truly post-modern worldview must shed the assumptions of modernity that inform most all discourse. Human Love in the Divine Plan. Modern theology has seceded vast territory to an allegedly autonomous reason based on an assumed antithesis between faith and reason. Psychology is perhaps the quintessential modern science.
The founder of the psychodynamic view in psychology, Sigmund Freud, saw all religion as infantile delusion and promulgated a theory of its origins that has had a devastating impact on the modern mind.
Freud believed that religion was the result of four factors — 1 ignorance of the workings of nature 2 fear of operating in a world without the protection of a beneficent father 3 the product of a wish for an all powerful, providential force and 4 guilt which served to guarantee moral behavior Kreeft, Perhaps more than any other thinker of modernity, Freud justified, in the minds of many, the thesis that man makes God. This thesis flows from and fits into the modern assumption of a radical human autonomy.
Evolutionary psychology, social psychology and the psychoanalytic anthropology of Freud have common roots in philosophical assumptions of naturalism. None can admit the intrusion of grace into nature and all hold that the human person and his or her behavior can be satisfactorily explained without recourse to theology. Evolutionary psychology is mired in the mythos of Darwinism, which proclaims the supremacy of random chance.
The Darwinist account of human origins can only exist in an intellectual Kevin Vail A Christian Imago environment that proclaims the independent existence of the world. We need to return to a view of being as a gift, rather than a right.
The truth is that only in the mystery of the incarnate Word does the mystery of man take on light … Christ, the new Adam, in the very revelation of the mystery of the Father and of his love, fully reveals man to himself and brings to light his most high calling.
John Paul II directs us to the second chapter of the book of Genesis for an understanding of the nature and purpose of human love. In this text we find that the good of humanity exists not in isolation but in the communio personarum.
Human sexuality and the drive to union transcends biology or social conditioning.
It is at the root of our being. Sexuality is not an accident of nature but rather reveals something of God, since the image of the creator can be found in the creation.
Hendrix and Hunt have built their model of Imago relationship therapy on the theory that we seek out the person who will heal our childhood wounds. Herein lies the theological basis for its effectiveness.
In the postlapsarian state, human relationships have been corrupted by the self-seeking engendered by original sin. We seek to satisfy our desires rather than fulfill our duties to one another. When we compare Genesis 2: Shame is thereby understood as a consequence of the fall of man.