Distancing Yourself From Toxic Parents However, your boundary setting could be the very thing to open their eyes to Relationship Healing and Self-Worth Recovery Life Coach/Mentor and Author.. az-links.info There are 13 signs of a toxic parent that most people don't realize, and these parents bonding between the parent and child, but it is really a parasitic relationship that However, everyone needs to be able to set boundaries for themselves. But people don't change unless they want to and unfortunately maintaining toxic relationships and not setting boundaries with parents only keeps you mired in.
The inability to set boundaries that work often leads a daughter to opt for a total cut-off. What follows are some commonsense strategies founded in science for those daughters for whom, for whatever reason, boundaries have become an issue. Daughters with toxic mothers especially need to keep boundaries in mind so that they can escape from the patterns of childhood. Be clear about your goals This should not be an off-the-cuff conversation if your space is being trampled by a mother who is essentially loving and especially not if your mother is hurtful.
First, organize your thoughts, writing them down if you need to, and be articulate about your goal. Is it to stop your mother from being intrusive? Is it to change the tenor of your conversations?
Distancing Yourself From Toxic Parents
Try to see this as a problem to be solved, not a battleground. If this is important, you need her undivided attention. Be aware ahead of time that your tone has to be spot on or your mother will get defensive. This is not an opportunity to criticize her; it is supposed to fix things. If your mother is unloving, keep in mind that you are probably doing this more for you than for her. For the unloved daughter who may not trust herself, this is extremely important.
I can assure you it did not make me popular to express my truth. I was met with anger and a barrage of excuses. But something inside of me couldn't let it go. Was it my inner Libran scales of justice? All I know is that I couldn't hold it in any longer. I was on the healing path and I craved a dialogue regarding what had happened in my youth. I wanted to know why that person chose to do the things they did. So I took it to the person who was responsible for it.
Fortunately for me, the person I shared with eventually dropped the demands of their ego and began to see I was not accusing, I was trying to heal. The humble apology came and all that was balled up inside of me let go.
5 Steps to Setting Boundaries with Your Mother
However, this is not always case. Not every person can see beyond themselves and into the hearts of their loved ones to help them transcend their pain. Their ego is strong and won't let the light in for one second. My heart grows heavy for the people in my life who have had to distance from their parents. I remember one friend telling me through rushing tears and a broken heart that she felt like she had no family.
I reminded her we ALL have family; we just have to look around and recognize who they are. Remember the ones who Rescued you in the pouring rain when you had a flat tire? Came to your emotional aid when you desperately needed someone to talk to? Loaned you his car when you had no wheels of your own? Let you cry on her shoulder when your heart was broken? Always reminds you who you are when you have forgotten? Those people are your family.
Just because someone has similar DNA running through their veins does not mean they are going to show up any better than someone who does not. When my daughter was in the hospital 3 years ago with a Strep C infection that spread throughout her entire body and almost took her life, the most unexpected people blew up my phone and offered me food, to talk or just simply to sit with me.
I felt so incredibly surrounded by love, it was almost as if I floated through those two weeks. Conversely, the ones who I thought "should" be coming to my emotional aid did not. Two of my "best friends" showed little concern and family I thought would care, did not. That was a harsh reality to face. They say when tough times hit you know who your friends are. I say when tough times hit, you know who your family is! To all of you who are in pain regarding family disruption and dysfunction, I implore you not to focus on what you don't have -- focus on what you DO have.
You are loved beyond measure. There are people in your life who have your back. You are not alone. Open your heart to allow the love that IS coming your way because a closed heart cannot receive.