How To Handle Uncertainty In A New Relationship - mindbodygreen
If your relationship is at a crossroads and you're considering leaving, get out of your head Relationship ambivalence is chronic uncertainty. Skip to main content. MENU. Search form. Search. Learn+. About International Bipolar Foundation+. Mission/Vision · Board of Directors · Scientific Advisory. Anxiety in the Uncertain Relationship: Why You Have It and How to Overcome It. headshot This usually results in a dynamic where the uncertain one is calling all the shots and dictating the course of the relationship.
How to Deal With Uncertainty in a Relationship? Stay in Control
These situations frequently involve one person waiting for another person to "decide" about them in the relationship. One of the main ways the anxious power struggle manifests is in the on-again, off-again relationship. In the on again, off again type of power struggle, one person in the relationship feels very certain and the other person doesn't.
This usually results in a dynamic where the uncertain one is calling all the shots and dictating the course of the relationship. The person who is certain feels anxious because they are in a heightened state of anxiety due to the fact that they don't know where they stand yet have an attachment to the person.
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They may fear losing this person and when their attachment object is uncertain, the fear of losing them is always in the back of the mind.
Keep in mind that most uncertain situations cause anxiety because there is no sense of security, stability or safety in these dynamics. In many cases, the person who feels so certain is blinded by a myriad of complex factors.
A roller coaster dynamic such as the on again, off again relationship is a bit like a drug. The certain person is either subconsciously or consciously seeking validation from the uncertain person. When they receive that validation it feels exhilarating and blissful. When the uncertain person takes that attention away it's a very disappointing and sometimes its a devastating crash.
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Sometimes the rollercoaster dynamic makes it easy to think you are in love with someone or that no on else can compare to them. This is because the rollercoaster dynamic can make you feel like you're crazy and desperately wanting to be with that person.
That's usually not love, that's the dynamic of uncertainty. An on again off again dynamic does not create an environment where a healthy long term relationship can grow. Because at its core, our need for certainty is a survival mechanism, and in uncertain states, we do what is necessary to protect ourselves — or our hearts in this case.
The beauty of uncertainty
But the beauty of the uncertainty in relationships is that it is in this space that our ultimate spiritual growth evolves, and where we can find more joy and more happiness than anywhere. So just how do we overcome the innate urge to self-protect during periods of uncertainty? How do we learn how to surrender control to trust and faith?
Through understanding, practicing and mastering the skills that are critical to your success in finding, nurturing and creating an outstanding relationship. There is a lot to learn and appreciate about the needs, feelings and behaviors of yourself as well as your partner — and, most importantly, how to use these understandings to best support your partner and your relationship.
Do you give your partner the cold shoulder? Do you hold back love?
Becoming aware of your behavioral patterns makes it easier to recognize them when they arise, and helps you achieve more objective viewpoint when emotions take hold. Recognizing your triggers and patterns is just the first step — next, you must share this information with your partner. Open up to your partner about what you need in order to release your inner withholding and connect.
Let your partner play a supportive role in helping you work through your fears and finding a new approach to any destructive patterns.
You may be surprised just how much more trust this can create. Communicating openly, and not just talking but really communicating with your partner, can erode much of the uncertainty in relationships. Find out what drives your partner, what they are hungry for, what their goals are. Find out what their pains are.