Codependency: The Helping Problem
Jul 16, Addiction and Financial Problems The codependent person in the relationship now shoulders the full financial burden for the household, with. Feb 8, Codependency, or as some call it, “relationship addiction”, occurs when asks the codependent person for rent money, the codependent may. Jul 5, A “money codependent” really isn't any different than a regular There is a high correlation between codependency and money issues. In relationships, I always had the perfect gift for each occasion, often giving more than.
Assertiveness is empowering, but requires a foundation of autonomy and self-esteem, both difficult for codependents. However, assertiveness can be learned, and doing so builds self-esteem. Control is one of the primary symptoms of codependency — control of self or others.
It becomes confused with power.
Because codependents lack a sense of power in their lives, instead try to manipulate and control others. Rather than attend to their needs directly, they try to exercise power over others and control others to make themselves feel okay on the inside.
How to Become Empowered Love and power are not incongruous. Love actually is the exercise of power. To claim our power requires learning to live consciously, taking responsibility for ourselves and our choices, building self-esteem, and asking directly for our needs and wants.
Power, Control & Codependency
As we learn to express ourselves honestly and set boundaries and say no, we create safety and mutual respect, allowing our partner to do the same. Becoming more autonomous also is important, not only to build self-esteem. Autonomy assures us that we can survive on our own. This allows couples to be less reactive.
Sharing our vulnerability — our feelings, wants, and needs — actually strengthens our true self in an environment of mutuality and trust.
Thus, asserting our power permits safety and allows for intimacy and love to flourish. When we feel powerless or unsafe, love and the health of the relationship are threatened. Lancer has counseled individuals and couples for 28 years and coaches internationally. Retrieved on December 29,from https: Common characteristics include the need for approval, feeling empty without others around, an intense fear of neglect, low self-esteem, putting the needs of others ahead of their own, and difficulties setting clear and fixed boundaries.
Both men and women can have issues with codependency. If you suspect you may have issues with codependency, ask yourself these questions: Do you feel solely responsible for someone even though they have other avenues of support?
Do you have difficulty making your own decisions? Do you ask for what you want with actions rather than words?
Power, Control & Codependency
Is it better to be with someone than alone? If your gut tells you the opposite of what someone else is saying, do you first trust the other person? Do you find yourself consistently resentful when others do not put in as much effort as you?
Will you settle for less so that you do not have to argue? Do you alter what you say or look for friends or significant others? Similar patterns have been seen in people in relationships with chronically or mentally ill individuals. Today, however, the term has broadened to describe any co-dependent person from any dysfunctional family.
A dysfunctional family is one in which members suffer from fear, anger, pain, or shame that is ignored or denied.
Underlying problems may include any of the following: An addiction by a family member to drugs, alcohol, relationships, work, food, sex, or gambling. The existence of physical, emotional, or sexual abuse. The presence of a family member suffering from a chronic mental or physical illness.