The Relationship Cure : John M. Gottman :
The relationship cure by John Mordechai Gottman, , Three Rivers Press edition, in English - 1st pbk. ed. The Relationship Cure by John M. Gottman, , available at Book Depository with free delivery worldwide. The Relationship Cure: A 5 Step Guide to. Strengthening Institute. Dr. Gottman's research includes an apartment lab where human relational interactions are.
I had to look at myself and realize how much turning away I do.
The relationship cure ( edition) | Open Library
And although I felt a little like an evil psychological mastermind, when I intentionally made bids and responded by turning toward bids at work-- wow. The sense of camaraderie and connection was palpable within a day or two.
So although reading Gottman's wonderfully empirical research can be uncomfortable, his suggestions for successful relationships are marvelously applicable. With the publication of his seminal work The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, Gottman literally wrote the book on how to save failing marriages.
It has been my experience that authors who discover successful psychological techniques ten Dr. It has been my experience that authors who discover successful psychological techniques tend to spin out a succession of books which are essentially clones of their original work. However, Gottman continues to blaze new trails in his research, and in each new text he offers his latest findings for our enrichment.
In The Relationship Cure: A 5 Step Guide to Strengthening Your Marriage, Family and Friendships, Gottman offers a simple plan for improving our communication skills in our various relationships. Though simple in theory, each step could take a lifetime to master. The five steps include: However, he found, over time, that a major key to recognizing a healthy relationship was to be found in the manner in which couples offered and responded to these bids.
Gottman explains how to recognize these bids in both self and others, whether they are offered in a negative or a positive fashion, and provides the reader with insight into how to respond appropriately.
To my mind, this insight alone was worth the price of the book. The second step seemed equally astounding to me. Gottman identifies the systems within our physiology, and explains how these have a profound impact on human psychology. A healthy human being responds to each of these human needs without letting it take over their life. However, individual life experience can make a person favor a particular Command System, and become exaggerated in their dependence upon it.
Our own unique blend of responses to our Command Systems will determine major aspects of our personality.
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Recognizing these needs in others can help us to relate with their needs better, and so improve our relationship with even the most extremely distorted personality.
The third step seemed to me, at first, to be a rehashing of a classic psychological concept, since Freud, over a century ago, introduced the idea that our past relationship with our parents influences our present behavior.
However, Gottman gives even this familiar ground a unique spin. He has classified the way that parents create a culture in a family which influences how the expression of emotions is treated. His brief sketches of these different cultures create recognizable pictures.
We have all encountered these responses in our dealings with our fellow human beings. Gottman then goes further to share his research findings that indicate that one of these cultural responses to emotion produces a healthier more successful child. The author then offers basic guidelines to achieve this healthier culture in your own family.The 7 Principles For Making Marriage Work by John Gottman - Relationship Advice ► Book Summary
The fourth step involves learning about emotional expressions, how to recognize them in their various manifestations. This section is full of exercises to improve your skills in this area.
Gottman offers his own life experiences as illustrations of key principles, as well as the findings of various psychologists, so that the reader obtains a broad scope of understanding about how emotions are communicated.
Uncovering the dreams and ideals that guide us, and learning to share these, will help deepen any relationship. In addition, the establishment of relationship rituals and traditions helps to ground these dreams in our daily lives. He also offers scenarios that reveal how hidden ideals are often expressed through conflicts. This book shows how the simplest, nearly invisible gestures of care and attention hold the key to successful relationships with those we love and work with.
John Gottman has discovered the Rosetta Stone of relationships. He has decoded the subtle secrets contained in our moment-to-moment communications. By introducing the simple yet amazingly powerful concept of the "bid," he provides a remarkable set of tools for relationship repair.
By the middle of the second chapter you're likely to say to yourself, "Oh, so that's what's happening in my relationship with my partner or colleague, boss, or sisterand now I know what to do about it.
What distinguishes Gottman's writing from that of other self-help books is that it is based on research findings from his extensive studies. When he says his five steps will help you build better connections with the people you care about, you know that they have been demonstrated to work. The rich array of self-exploration exercises and guidelines offers a life-changing program for creating more rewarding emotional connections with friends, colleagues, and life partners.
The deceptively simple but powerful concept of the 'emotional bid' reveals ways in which we can connect with significant others in our lives.
The Relationship Cure is original, insightful, and immensely helpful. I love the concept of emotional bids.