Boy Meets Girl: Say Hello to Courtship by Joshua Harris
Boy Meets Girl: Say Hello to Courtship. Joshua Harris, Author Multnomah Publishers $ (p) ISBN Boy Meets Girl say hello to courtship. Joshua Harris. Disclaimer: This is just a summary of the book and not the whole content of it Please go to any Christian . their questions about love than a participant in theoriginal"boy meets girl"? . book. To everyone's astonishment the book actually sold. It turned out that.
Not that that book was a dud or anything, but Boy Meets Girl has Harris in the now-married-and-able-to-look-back-on-courting role. This made all the difference.
The thing that I appreciated most about this book was the constant focus on the heart. So many in the church are consumed with rules for the sake of rules. Rules are necessary and good, but only when they flow out of a heart that de Let me say up front that I enjoyed this book more than Joshua Harris' first book, I Kissed Dating Goodbye. Rules are necessary and good, but only when they flow out of a heart that desires to honor God.
So many have caricatured Josh Harris in the years since his first two books came out that it's refreshing to actually read his words and not depend on what others think they know about his views. With the benefit of hindsight, Harris outlines the essentials of a healthy, God-honoring courting relationship. His main goal is to help young people figure out how to know that they are ready for marriage.
Along the way, the dozens of interviews and personal stories illuminate his general principles in specific ways. Chapter Two is really important as it introduces us to the concept that courtship as opposed to dating is all about being purposeful in a guy-girl relationship.
This is a direct shot across the bow of today's casual dating and "hooking up" culture. Harris is also careful to point out that he's not stuck on the term "courtship. Chapter Three contrasts romance and wisdom.
By romance, Harris means the emotions-first fare that is constantly served up by Hollywood. One is ready for courtship "when you can match romance with wisdom" Chapter Six's provocative title What To Do With Your Lips introduces a helpful discussion of communication that is often ignored or psychologized. The five principles laid out here are very practical and easy to evaluate. Chapter Seven takes on the roles of men and women and challenged Christian young men to stand up and be men in their private lives and in their relationships with women.
Harris does not ignore the women and gives them several helpful pointers from a guy's point of view. Chapter Nine is the one most people skip to because it's essentially the "SEX" chapter.
No, that looks like I'm wounded. I finally decided to leave both feet on the floor. Nervous energy washed over me every time I thought about the conversation I was about to have. I couldn't believe that I was doing this-that in only a few minutes she would be sitting across from me. Shannon Hendrickson and I had been friends for about a year. We worked in the same office.
She was a secretary and I was an intern. The first thing I noticed about Shannon was her eyes-they were a bluish, greenish, gray color, and they sparkled when she smiled.
The second thing was how tiny she was. Exactly five feet tall, Shannon defines the word petite. At only five feet six inches myself, a girl who actually looked up into my eyes was a rare find. I caught my first glimpse of her on the Sunday she got up in church and shared the story of how she'd become a Christian. Two and a half years earlier she'd had no interest in God. At the time she'd just returned to Maryland from college in New Hampshire, where she'd lived the typical party life.
It was an empty life lived for herself-a life ruled by sin. Back home, she threw all her energy into her dream of becoming a professional singer. Soon a move to Nashville seemed the next sensible step up the ladder of stardom. That's just the kind of person she was.
Her parents had gotten divorced when she was nine, and her dad had raised her to be self-reliant. She would set her sights on a goal, and then do whatever was needed to get there.
Before heading to Nashville, she wanted to take a few guitar lessons. She asked around about a teacher, and a friend referred her to a guitarist named Brian Chesemore, who was looking for students. What Shannon didn't know was that Brian was a Christian and was looking for opportunities to share his faith. Her guitar lessons would turn out to be soul saving.
Boy Meets Girl: Say Hello to Courtship
After a few weeks of lessons, Brian told Shannon how Jesus had changed his life. She listened politely but said she could never live like he did. But her confident rejection was an act. She couldn't get Brian's questions out of her head. What if there was a God? If He existed, would she be willing to live for Him?
Shannon secretly began to study Christianity. She read the book of Romans, which described her not as a "good person," but as a sinner in need of a savior.
She visited a Christian bookstore and asked for something that would help a person explore the claims of Christianity. God was drawing Shannon. He was whittling away at her pride and independence and awakening within her a longing for Himself. One night, alone in her room, she repented for her sinful and self-centered life and believed on the Savior she now knew had died for her.
Something Better Growing up, I always hoped that when I saw the girl I was going to marry, it would be love at first sight.
As it turned out, my chance for a "love at first sight moment" went right over my head. In fact, I was sitting next to Rachel's mother that morning. When Shannon finished speaking, Rachel's mom leaned over and noted what a "cute girl" Shannon was, a remark that I now find very ironic. God had set me up. As I sat there next to the mother of my plan for my future, God was parading His plan for my future right in front of my eyes.
He had mapped a course for me that was more wonderful than anything I could come up with on my own, and He was making sure that in the days to come I would never question that this good plan had originated in His mind. Three months later Shannon and I wound up working together at the church office. We hit it off right away, but I wasn't thinking about anything beyond friendship. When someone asked me if I was interested in her, I thought the question was silly. Shannon was a terrific girl, I said, but not the kind of person I envisioned marrying.
Besides, our backgrounds were too different. She was a new Christian from a broken home. I'd probably marry someone who had been home-schooled and raised in the church like I had-someone like Rachel.
But over the next six months my plans for a future with Rachel began to unravel like a cheap sweater. I remember the afternoon I found out that she liked another guy. Rachel and I had only been friends, and she hadn't led me on, but it still hurt. I needed to talk to God. I shut my office door; but that didn't seem private enough, so I squeezed myself into my small office closet and pulled the door shut.
There in the darkness I started to cry.
I wasn't mad at Rachel; I wasn't bitter. I cried because I knew God was behind it all. He was the one who had closed the door on a relationship with Rachel, and He'd done it for my good.
I was over-whelmed by the thought that the God of the universe was willing to be involved in the details of my life-that He'd be willing to reach down and shut a door that He didn't want me to walk through. Still crying, I began to thank Him. I don't understand, but I know You're taking this away because You have something better. I stopped trusting in my own carefully laid plans and asked God to show me His.
Change of Heart Around that time I began to see Shannon in a new light. Her kindness to others and me caught my attention. She had a passion for God and a maturity that belied her short time as a believer. How can I explain it? She just began to pop up in my thoughts and prayers. I looked forward to the chance to see her and talk. What I learned about her through our interaction and from what I heard from others impressed me.
I saw that all the reasons I had for why I wouldn't be interested in her were shallow. God was changing my heart. All this had made the months leading up to my phone call torturous.
I went through the "I shouldn't be distracted by this" phase. Then the "I am distracted by this" phase. And finally, the "I'm going to fight this" phase, in which I swore to stop journaling about her and mapped a new course around the office so that I wouldn't walk past her desk ten times every hour-something I found myself doing "unintentionally. Mahaney, at the time. Since my mom and dad lived far away in Oregon, C.
I told them about my interest in Shannon. Their counsel helped keep me on track: Be her friend but don't communicate your interest until you're ready to start a relationship that has a clear purpose and direction. You don't want to play with her heart. I would swing between the conviction that I needed to conceal my feelings and the urge to send her signals just to find out if there was any mutual interest.
I could trust God better if I knew she liked me, I argued. But deep down I knew this wasn't true. I needed to be a man - a noncommittal testing of the waters wouldn't be fair to her I started seeking the advice of the most trusted people in my life - my parents, my pastor, and people from our church who knew shannon and me well.
Was I prepared spiritually and emotionally for marriage? Was this God's time for me to pursue a relationship?
Boy Meets Girl: Say Hello to Courtship - Wikipedia
My prayers kicked into high gear Instead of subsuding, my feelings grew. My circle of counselors gave me nothing but encouragement to pursue a relationship. I didn't know if Shannon and I were supposed to be married, but I felt God was directing me to take the next step "you may have already figured this out," I began.
I couldn't know at that point if we were right for eachother, but I wanted to find out. I asked her to take a step with me into courtship, a new season friendship. The purpose of this time would be to deepen our relationship so that we could prayerfully and purposefully explore the possibility of marriage. I wanted more than anything else to please God and find out if marriage was his plan for us Think about the questions Christian singles wrestle with: How do you get close enough to someone to make a decision about marriage without stealing theh privileges of marriage?
How do you find the love of your life without leaving a trail of broken hearts and broken promises behind you on the way to altar? While the word courtship isn't in the Bible, the principles that comprise courtship are timeless, and rooted in God's word. In God's plan the personal benefits of an intimte relationship are always inseparably linked to a commitment to the other person's long-term good inside the covenant of marriage.
To put it simply, the joy of intimacy is the reward of commitment. Courtship is simply a relationship guided by this principle Courtship is a relationship betweeb a man and a woman who are actively and intentionally together to consider marriage The season of our courtship was a wonderful time in our relationship in which we refrained from physical intimacy, deepened our friendship, learned about each other's values and goals, and interacted on a spiritual level.Boy Meets Girl Trailer
We asked a lot of questions. We went on dates. We grew closer to each other and ultimately grew to love one another deeply. They key was that everything we did in our relationship was for the very clearly stated purpose of finding out if God would have us marry The difference from my past realtionships was that now our activities and the time we spent together had a purpose beyond mere recreation, and that purpose was clearly defined.
We weren't simply trying to get swept up in our emotions. Instead, we were letting our feelings grow naturally out of our deepening respect, friendship, and commitment to one another Eventhough courtship has a serious intent, it can be low-pressure and casual when it begins. The path starts with "I'd like to get to know you" and ends - if the outcome is a desire for a life together - with "I'd like to marry you".
But there's a lot of space in between We shouldn't make courtship a bigger deal than it really is. It is a time for the couple to get to know each other without outside pressure or overly high expectations.
The only pressure the couple should feel when then begin a courtship is teh good pressure God's Word places on them to honor Him and treat each other with purity and integrity Courtship is a commitment - it's a promise not to play games with another person's heart. In that sense it's serious God doesn't have a one-size-fits-all plan for relationships. We all have very different lives - we vary in age, cultural background, and circumstances.
Some of us can have our parents involved in our courtships; others cannot. Some of us can develop a friendship with another person naturally in a group sitting at church or school. Others don't have the luxury of those settings and have to be more obvious about their interest.
SOme of us approach the possibility of marriage fo rthe first time, while others have journeyed through the nightmare of divorce and are hesitantly moving toward a second commitment. You might be asking, "How am i supposed to follow God's principles for courtship when my circumstances are so different from those of other people?
Still, God isn't asking us to copy each other but to fix our eyes on our Lord and Master Jesus Christ and pursue courtship in a way that's faithful to His character. We can each rest in the knowledge that God is sovereign over our life's situation.
No matter where we are today or what mistakes we've made in the past, He has given us everything we need to glorify Him right now The motivating purpose of christians should be to obey God. The concept of courtship is only helpful so far as it helps us to better honor and glorify God. That should be the ultimate purpose in any relationship. Making Him our greatest delight and joy is the best thing we can do for our relationships and future marriages Romance and woisdom: Why you need more than just intense feelings Falling in love was God's idea.
He was the one who made us capable of experiencing romantic feelings. He was the one who gave us the ability to appreciate beauty and experience attraction. And he was the one who invented marriage so that the blazing fire of romantic love could become something even more beautiful Romance is a very good thing.
But just because it's good doesn't mean that we can enjoy it whenever and however we please. Like all other good gifts God has made, romantic love can be misused Matchng romance with wisdom doesn't necessarily mean that you do the opposite of what you want. What it does mean is that you learn to do what's best. Wisdom is simply the ownership of insight. It's the "Oh i get it! It's the art of living successfully in whatever actual conditions we find ourselves.
Long-lasting romance needs practical, common-sense, wisdom that knows when to let the wind of feelings carry us higher and when to pull back. When to express our emotions and when to keep quiet.