DIY Marriage Counseling | Real Simple
Many of the relationship skills taught in self-help books and couples asks as she and her husband begin arguing in their first therapy session. Marriage counselors spill their secrets (and save you a fortune on therapy bills). Here you will find couples therapy and couples counseling books, exercises and worksheets and the best healthy relationship activities for.
Scenarios that stir up old feelings, especially those having to do with attachment, can make us feel insecure, unseen, unsafe, or purposefully wronged. If we felt rejected as children, we are far more likely to perceive those close to us as being rejecting as adults. If we felt intruded on in our youth, we may be more at-risk for feeling guarded or resistant to opening up.
Top 10 At Home Couples Therapy Exercises
In your present relationship, your partner is not necessarily intentionally causing you pain, but rather, inadvertently triggering a primal reaction. By noticing patterns to what causes you to feel stirred up anxious or enragedyou get to know yourself better, and you can deal with these emotions in a healthier manner.
Look to your past — After noting patterns in your reactions, you can start to piece together what is familiar from your past. The culture of the family you grew up in will affect you as an adult. What was valued or looked down upon in your family? A woman I saw in therapy for years noticed that she felt trapped every time her relationships got more serious. As soon as she took a symbolically serious step toward getting close to a man, introducing him to her family or moving in with him, she started noticing flaws in him that pushed her farther and farther out the door.
All men are the same. When we are reacting based on old experiences, we often see the present world through a distorted lens. Have compassion — As you make connections to your own past, you will start to feel more compassion for your struggles.
You can extend this same sentiment to your partner, seeing ways that they may be reacting based on painful experiences from their own past.
DIY Marriage Counseling
When conflicts arise, you should try to see the scenario from their eyes and understand how they see the situation. You may not feel you are being rejecting by choosing to go out with friends or that you are being mean by making a jealous comment, but your partner may perceive things differently. Try to align your state with theirs and adopt an empathetic perspective toward what they perceived.
You can then come to understand, not only why you were triggered but why your partner was triggered. You can then have more compassion toward both yourself and your partner. Communicate what you feel — Once you are both calm, you can explain how you feel without placing blame or acting victimized. When you communicateit is important to respect the fact that you each have unique minds that work differently.
In doing so, you get to know your partner on a deeper level that, ultimately, will bring you closer. If both you and your partner are open to each other and compassionate toward your individual struggles, you can help each other overcome obstacles and become the people you both want to be in your relationship Of course, nobody is perfect, and we are bound to mess up at times.
Every couple consists of two separate, imperfect people, so when we do mess up, all we can do is repair. Instead of letting things fester or build, we can make sense of what went wrong and interrupt destructive actions.
When we take these steps of interrupting harmful behaviors in our relationship and identifying patterns from our past, we start a journey of self-discovery that can be both deeply painful and richly rewarding.
The key to achieving lasting love thus becomes an act of differentiationa therapeutic process of identifying the ways we were hurt in our past that lead us to hurt ourselves and those close to us in the present. It is an ongoing journey of self-reflection that helps us to reveal who we truly are and to know and love someone for who they are as well.
Learn more or register here. He or she will hopefully give you the same courtesy when you have something to say. If you do not feel comfortable doing this on your own at first, you could practice with your couples counselor to see how the process goes.
He or she will tell you if either of you are being defensive so you end up with positive results when you try it on your own. Date nights are designed to get you out of the house and allow you to reconnect with your spouse in a fresh environment.
Top 10 Couples Therapy Exercises At Home - Perspectives Of Troy
If you cannot leave home, send the kids to spend the night with a family member and cook dinner for just the two of you. As long as you make the night special and just about you as a couple, you can fall in love with each other all over again. Every night before you go to sleep, spend some time talking to your spouse in bed — without the TV on, without your cell phone in hand, and without any other distractions that could take you away from this moment. As part of your at-home couples therapy techniques, try spending a night completely unplugged from the rest of the world.
No phones, no televisions, no computers, and no tablets. Just you and your spouse spending quality time together. You may play board games, give each other a massage, take a relaxing bath or do anything else that does not require electronics. If it is still an issue by then, you can re-open the argument and move forward.
In many cases though, you will both forget about the problem by the end of the week.
Of course, there is some controversy behind this practice because leaving it until Sunday could mean leaving issues unresolved for days at a time. You still need to talk through issues that have a major impact on your relationship so you do not dwell on them for too long. In a relationship, stress often leads to major conflicts because one person is irritable, emotional, depressed, etc.
For instance, if one spouse is stressed about paying the bills for the household, the other person may decide to take on another job to provide additional support. If you are worried about your personal health, talk to a doctor and see what treatments you can explore.
Every stress trigger has a solution, even if it is not obvious at first. You can discuss all of this as a couple and come up with the best solutions for your situations. They are designed to help you trust the person you are with no matter what. To conduct a trust fall, all you have to do is stand behind your partner with your face toward his or her back.