Tips For A Successful Muslim Marital Relationship
"The Prophet of Allah (S) stated: 'Whoever respects a Muslim, Allah would pay him .. would be sympathetic to her marriage and would conform to her advice!. The first five to seven years are the most challenging of any marriage. . sin, and rebellion and (Allah) gives you advice so that perhaps you will take heed.". According to the Quran, the purpose of marriage is to attain tranquility and peace, which can never be az-links.info
I raced him on foot and I beat him. But, on another journey, when I became bulky, he asked me to race him. I raced him and he beat me. He started laughing and said: When it comes to love and marriage, there really is no greater gift that you can give your spouse than taking some time to be present to them and their needs. It is easy to get caught up in daily living. Pressures of the modern day often mean that not just husbands but also wives are now part of the workforce.
This means that time for nurturing the marriage is often at a premium. Yes, it may be challenging, but it is of vital importance to set aside time, not just for the normal daily activities and children, but with each other as man and wife. It is this primary bond that will build the foundation of the family, so it has to be nurtured. Take drives, go out on walks, and even sit back at the end of the evening with a cup of tea or coffee to have a meaningful conversation.
In this there is evidence of the truth for the people who carefully think. Love and mercy should be the hallmarks of any solid marriage and relationship.
We see that it is stipulated within the scriptures. But is this truly what is practised in modern daily life? You can also express your gratitude through acts of consideration, doing something thoughtful or using your own perception to do something meaningful for your partner. I do not want to take all of my rights from her so that she will not take all of her rights from me because Allah, the Exalted, stated the following: Marriage can be a complex situation at times, but there are still basic principles of a man and woman and attraction at play in a husband and wife relationship in Islam and an effort made in this department can help strengthen the marital bond.
A good scent, a clean body, good dress, and some makeup and accessories for the ladies all communicate to your spouse that you have a positive attitude about yourself and that you respect your marriage enough to make the effort.
Men must also make the effort to be well-groomed to the best of their ability. However, this does not mean that fun within the marriage context should not be had. As much as marriage can fall into a routine, it is important that as a couple you two retain the identity of man and wife.
Play games, eat out at your favourite restaurants, and get the heart rate up with some fun adrenaline -filled sport. Create a buzz that you will remember and talk about for years to come. You have rights over your women and your women also have rights over you. Their rights over you are that you provide food and clothing for them in good faith. Your rights over them are that they do not allow and nor do they give permission, for people to trespass into your house whose presence you dislike.
A man must take the helm as a provider, but equally, a woman needs to close ranks and protect the home from any presence that may threaten it. It is through this synergy and language of give and take that strong marriage is built upon. Your wife may become ill or have a nervous breakdown. She may seek popularity with others if she is not satisfied with you. She may grow so cold towards you and the house that she may even seek for a divorce.
You are responsible for all this because you have failed to keep her content. It is certainly true that some divorce procedures take place as a result of unkindliness. Your attention is drawn to the following statistics.
The psychological requirement of affection, the carelessness of husbands with regard to their wives' wishes and the overlooking of the importance of the mental status of women, have been responsible for many divorce cases.
She said her husband was more interested in his parrots and that was why she did not want to live with him any longer. And one of His signs is that He created mates for you from yourselves that you may find rest in them and He put between you love and compassion; most surely there are signs in this for a people who reflect.
By showing your feelings through your words and actions, the love you have shown will be returned to you and your hearts will strengthen their bonds of love. Be frank and do not be discrete in expressing your love towards your wife. In her absence or presence, you should make compliments for her. Write to her while traveling and inform her that you miss her. Occasionally buy something for her. Phone her when you are at work and ask how she is.
One of the important things on a woman's mind is these kinds of expressions of love. We lived together in peace for a while.
I regarded myself as the luckiest woman in this world. I lived in his little house for six years. I felt a hundred times happier when I found out that I was pregnant. When I informed my husband he wept tears of joy while embracing me in his arms.
According To Islam, Here are 5 Tips for Couples to Deal with Marriage Disputes
He cried so much that he nearly lost control over himself. He then went out and bought me a diamond necklace with his savings. He gave the necklace and said: But it was not long before he was killed in a driving accident'. She likes to be respected by others.
She would get hurt if she were to be insulted or belittled. She feels good when respected and would hate those who try to degrade her. She has every right to expect her life partner and best friend to care for her. She works for you and your children's comfort and thus expects you to value her efforts and to respect her.
Honouring her would not belittle you but it would indeed go to prove your love and affection towards her. Therefore, respect her more than others and talk to her politely.
Do not interrupt her or shout at her. Call her by respectful and virtuous names. Show your respect when she wants to sit down. When you enter the house, if she forgets to say 'Salam' greetingsthen you should say 'Salam' to her. Say 'Good-bye' when leaving your house. Do not lose contact with her when travelling or away from home.
Show your respect for her when in gatherings. Seriously avoid all insults and humiliation. Do not abuse or even jokingly tease her. Do not think that because you are close to her she would not mind you making fun of her. On the contrary she will dislike such an attitude but may not express it. My husband is a good man and there are many characteristics of a good and amiable person in him.
But he has never wanted to realize that I am his wife and the mother of both his children. He thinks he is a fitting person for get togethers, but he performs his show by teasing and humiliating me.
You cannot believe how much I have been hurt. My nerves have been affected so much that I have to go to a psychiatrist for treatment. I have talked to my husband about it many times. I have begged him not to treat me in this way. I have reminded him of my position as 'his wife' and my age and that it is not proper for him to joke with me in front of others so that they have a laugh or a good time.
I feel embarrassed in front of everybody and because I have not ever been a witty person, I cannot compete with him. Since my demands are not being met by my husband, I prefer to separate from him. I know I will not be happy on my own, but I cannot live with a man who constantly degrades me'. If you respect your wife, she will do the same to you and thus your relationship will grow stronger. You would also earn more respect from others. If you maltreat her and she retaliates, it is again your fault and not hers.
Marrying is not equal to getting a slave. You cannot treat a free person as a slave. Your wife has married you in order to live with you and to share her life with a man whom she loves. She expects the same things from you as you do from her.
Therefore treat her in a manner in which you would like to be treated. Events happen and show themselves one after another. Our small existence in this vast universe is like a small particle which moves and impinges on other particles at every instant of time.
The running of this world is not in our hands and the events of this world do not occur according to our will. From the moment that one sets foot outside his house in the morning until the time he returns home in the evening, one may be confronted with hundreds of unpleasant circumstances. One comes across a great many difficulties in the arena of life. You might be insulted by someone, have an unfriendly colleague, have to wait for the bus too long, have been accused of something at work, have lost some money, have been robbed, or have come across anyone of a number of similar events that could happen to anybody anywhere.
You might be so frustrated with the usual everyday events of your life that you resemble a time bomb which could explode any time. Well you may think that you cannot blame other people or the world for your mishaps, so when you come home, you try to vent your anger out on your wife and children. You enter your house and it is as if 'Izrail the angel of death has arrived. The children disperse like little mice in front of you.
God forbid that you should find something to pick up fault. The food may be salty or salt less, your cup of tea may not be ready, the house may be untidy, or the children make a noise.
And it gives you a good excuse to blow your top in your own house.
The First Two Years: A Marriage Survival Guide
You then become furious and shout at every body, abuse them, hit the children, and so on. You will have then turned a house of affection and friendship into a burning hell in which you and the rest of your family would have to suffer.
If the children are able to run away from home into the streets, they would do so, and if they cannot do that, then they count the seconds until you leave the house.
It is patently obvious what an apathetic and horrific atmosphere is dominant in families of this kind. There are always rows and arguments. Their house is always in a mess. The wife hates to see her husband's face.
How can a woman live happily with a grim and bad- tempered man? Worse than all is the fate of children who are to grow up in such an environment. The parents' quarrels would certainly leave a scar on their sensitive souls and hearts. Children, who experience this kind of hardship, tend to become furious, aggressive, depressed, and pessimistic type of people in their adulthood.
They become disheartened in their family and go astray. They might fall into the traps of corrupt people and turn to crimes of different kinds. They might even become so complexed and mentally disturbed that they might even endanger other lives and commit murder or even suicide. The reader is recommended to conduct research into the backgrounds of criminals. Statistics and the daily news of criminal events all reflect this fact.
Responsibilities of all these lie with the guardian of the family who has not been able to control his temper and who has mistreated his family. Such a person can never find peace in this world and would be punished in the next. We are not in a position and cannot control the affairs of this world.
Mishaps, hardships, and sorrowful events are all inseparable parts of this life. Everybody experiences difficulties at different times. As a matter of fact, one can reach maturity through hardship. One must confront them with strength and must try to find solutions to them. Human beings have the ability to meet with hundreds of small and large difficulties and not to give in under the strain of misfortune. Worldly events are not the only reason for our being upset, but rather it is our nervous system which becomes affected by such events and causes us to experience discomfort.
Therefore, if one could control himself when faced with the unhappy events of life, one would not become annoyed or angry. Suppose that you have experienced an unpleasant event. This event is either an inseparable part of daily events with which we cannot interfere or that we cannot help. Or it might be an event in which we can thrust our own decision. It is obvious that in the former case, our annoyance would not help in anyway. We would be wrong to become angry or bad-tempered.
We must remember that we were not responsible for its occurrence and even try to welcome it with a smiling face. But if our bad experience is of the latter type, then we can seek a suitable solution for it. If we do not lose heart when faced with hardships and try to control ourselves, we can, through prudence, overcome our difficulties.
In this way we would not resort to anger which may itself add to our problems. Therefore, a wise person is the one who is not affected by hardships. We have the ability to overcome all difficulties through patience and wisdom. Is it not a pity that we lose control over matters resulting from inevitable events of life?
Moreover, why should you blame your wife and children for your misfortunes? Your wife is performing her share of duty. She has to take care of the house and the children. She has to do the washing, cooking, ironing, cleaning, etc. You should encourage her in the way you treat her.
Your children are also doing their own work. They too wait for their father to make themselves happy. Teach them the right things and encourage them in their studies. Is it fair that you confront your family with a grim and angry face?
They expect you to fulfill their righteous desires. They expect kindness from you and want you to talk to them gently and behave pleasantly.
They would hate you for ignoring their feelings and for turning the house into a dark place in which there is not a glimpse of happiness. Do you know how much they could suffer from your unpleasant and harsh manners? Even if you do not take your family very seriously, at least have mercy upon yourself. You can be sure that you would damage your own health by being bad-tempered.
How can you continue to work and how can you achieve anything successfully? Why should you turn your house into a hell? Is it not better for you to always be happy and confront your problems with prudence and not anger? Would you not prefer to believe that anger would not solve your problems, but rather it would add to them? Would you not agree that, while being at home, you should rest and regain your strength in order to find a suitable solution to your problem with a clear mind?
You should meet your family with a smile on your face. You should joke with them in a nice manner and try to create a happy atmosphere at home. You should eat and drink with them and take rest. In this way you and your family would enjoy life and you would overcome your problems easily. That is why the holy religion of Islam regards good behaviour as a part of religion and a sign of the utmost level of faith.
The best among you the people is one who does good to his family'. The Prophet S placed the dead body in the grave with his pious hands and then covered it. There is not anyone who is completely happy with his situation.
But some people are more patient with their hardships than others, they try to record them in their memories and do not mention them except when there is reason or revealing them. On the other hand, there are people who are so weak that they cannot keep any problem to themselves. They are so used to making complaints that upon meeting others, they start complaining. Wherever they, go and whenever they are in a gathering, they moan about the everyday events which have effected their lives it is as if they haven sent on a mission by Satan himself, to spoil the happiness of others.
That is why most friends and relatives do not want to be bothered with these and try to keep away from them as much as possible. But one must feel sorry for their wives and children who have to cope with them. Because no one else is prepared to listen to their moaning, these men vent their problems before their families. They sometimes complain about their expenses, the taxis, their friends, and sometimes they moan about their colleagues, their businesses, diseases, doctors, and so on. These men are very pessimistic and, do not see any good in this world.
They suffer themselves as well as make and especially their families, suffer too. What is the point of making complaints all the time? What do you achieve by moaning? Why should your family suffer if you are angry with the taxi driver? Why do you blame your wife if your business is not brisk? Do not forget that your attitude would repel your family from you. They will become disappointed in you and disheartened with the house. They might even run away from home and might fall into the trap of corruption and crime.
Tips For A Successful Muslim Marital Relationship
The least is that it leaves a mental scar on them. Is it not better not to spoil your family's happiness? When returning home, try to forget your problems. Be happy with your family. Have a laugh and enjoy their company. Islam has also regarded patience and refusing to make complaints as good behaviour and has even allocated a reward for it. They moan at every trivial matter: Why is the lunch not ready? Therefore, both Muslim husbands and wives need to be considerate and avoid resolving matters or getting things done with strictness.
In some Muslim societies the expression of affection among husband and wife is considered taboo and out of bashfulness the societies do not allow the partners to display affection towards each other. This has nothing to do with Islam rather it this trait is the development of particular societies and cultures. A Muslim husband as well as the wife needs to express affection for each other one time or another. This display of affection keeps the partners caring for each other and serve as a revitalizing factor in the relationship.
Although being friends is not a requisite for a marital relationship, however, if it is to be successful then friendship needs to be an integral part of it. The relationship between a husband and a wife demands friendship of the same magnitude as it demands respect. When both the mates are friends with each other, then they share with each other and out of this sharing arises the care and love which fosters only if they are friends otherwise it is just a duty or obligation which they have to fulfill.
Therefore, to keep the love and care factor in the relationship indigenous and as natural as possible, it is imperative that both husband and wife develop a friendly relationship with each other. Appreciation Is The Key: Muslim husbands and wives realize their duties and obligations towards each other and try to fulfill it to the maximum. However, when this fulfillment of obligations is not complimented with appreciation or acknowledgment, then the obligations become an arduous activity the charm and glamour of which vanishes over time.