Is their brother-sister relationship abnormal? - relationship advice
The problem is my boyfriend's relationship with his only sibling, a sister. Several times, he's called me by her name. At the last family dinner. This caused my sex relationship with my elder sister over the years. woudln't think that is weird at all but if I ever walked around naked in front. I once dated a guy called Jack.* Things started off really well, he was a lovely guy , sensitive, into music and art. He was intelligent and good.
I remember Olivia, whose adult sibling was pathologically jealous of her and who competed with her for parental attention; Dinah, whose sibling contemptuously rejected her and Noelle, who'd been threatened by her sibling and was afraid of them becoming violent with her.
Psychologically, it all makes sense. Children who share a chaotic, abusive or neglectful home environment may form close attachments to one-another or more often, they can develop an "every man for himself" coping strategy.
Experiencing or witnessing trauma can cause a child to shut down emotionally, and this can distance them from the other children in the family. Instead of feeling connected to their siblings, they can become alienated from one-another.
I remember Lena, who had four siblings, but who was estranged from all of them. Parents are supposed to model loving, caring relationships to their children, so if they're mean to each-other or hurtful or neglectful toward their kids, the children can adopt these ways of interacting. There are many reasons for children growing up to become disconnected from their siblings. Dysfunctional parents often overtly favour one child over another, and the siblings are then set up to compete for parental attention.
Equally, when parents are withholding of nurturing, siblings often become rivals for the few crumbs of affection they're hoping that their parents might dole out. Children who grow up in dysfunctional families often feel hurt, rage and frustration toward their parents but most of the time, they're too afraid to express these feelings directly toward Mom or Dad.
My fiance and his sister are too intimate.
It's a lot easier to take out their feelings on their siblings, because the stakes are a lot less high, so instead of bonding together out of a painful shared experience, they often end up venting their hurt and anger at each-other. Sometimes, one sibling wants to be close to the other, but their sister or brother rejects them. It can be out of jealousy - siblings from troubled homes often mistakenly perceive that the other child got "more" of the love, attention and care than they themselves did.
This certainly happened with my patient Estelle. In the case of Greta, her parents forced her to be the surrogate mother for her two younger siblings, and this created a life-long tension between them as adults.
When you take a look at the sibling romance literature, you will find betrayal, murder, and madness are common occurrences.
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If your fiance and his sister are violating that taboo, you would be wise to avoid living your own version of these tales.
Picky About Garbage Dear Prudie, Several years ago, my then-boyfriend and still good frienda talented artist, did a large nude oil painting of me from the neck down, which he framed and presented to me. It's a beautiful piece of work, but I have never had the nerve to hang it in my very small and open-style house, where the only available wall space is visible to guests. So to hang it anywhere would mean that anyone—family, colleagues, repairmen—could see it.
Though there's nothing in the painting that definitively identifies the subject as me, obviously people are going to wonder and probably ask. On the other hand, I hate keeping it hidden away. What should I do? Proudly put it over the bed. But that requires the insouciant self-confidence about your naked self that you seem to lack. If you hang the portrait in a public area of your house, while your guests are trying to keep abreast of one another's news, or repairmen are tightening screws, their minds will actually be on another track: That's gotta be her.
I wonder if she really has a birthmark on her thigh. Since you enjoy the painting, just keep it stored until the day you perhaps have the space to display it more privately. I have been single all her life. We live with my parents so I can work and finish graduate school. Her father lives across the country, has never met her, and has no interest in doing so.
The only participation he has in her life is through an automatic child-support payment. My daughter sees other fathers all around her. One day, she overheard a conversation I had about her father and immediately responded to it with, "I have a daddy?!? I know this was not a good response, but I don't know how to rectify it and answer the question honestly. It's been almost two weeks since this happened, and she just asked me again about her daddy.
I gently said that he was never coming back. My heart breaks for my daughter. Please help me find a starting point at which to address this issue. Dear How, You're right, you need to tell your daughter the truth, but she's only 4, so she's simply too young to understand the whole truth.
Is their brother-sister relationship abnormal?
What you need to convey to her is that you're going to be honest about her father, that it's just fine for her to ask questions about him, and that you will do your best to answer, even when there really aren't good answers. Start by telling her that you told her something wrong when you said her daddy was in heaven.
You can say that, actually, he's in California, which is a long way away—then get a map and show her how far. She'll want to know why he's that far, and you can tell her that's where he works. Since she surely has friends with absent or missing fathers, you can explain that sometimes mommies and daddies don't live together—like Lizzy's mom and dad. Sometimes the dads aren't even around, like her dad. Then you can say that fortunately she has so many people who love her—then list all the men and women in her life who think she's the greatest.
If she asks whether she's going to see her daddy, you can answer that one honestly, too—you just don't know. Tell her that she can talk about this with you any time she wants, but right now what you'd really like to do is go to the playground or bake some cookies. Of course you're sad that she doesn't have a loving father, but how lucky she is to have such a loving mother.